I'm Sorry

it's been long time... after we meet at here....

I have no idea what i should say after that, I'm sorry that I can't talk with you like previous anymore....
I'm sorry I can't share my secret to you anymore...
And I don't think you are truly understand me... eventhough you are the most understanding me than everyone I know..

Not that I wanna deny you or what... I never know how to open my door wide and let you know everything about me... I never think I can do this as well...
I only can say...

I'm sorry...

I'm sorry that...that I never regret to what I had done.

Sept 09

September 09.

You can find that my previous post is really long time ago already... and I really don't have the time to do this, and I'm lazy to do this too...

Another 1 reason is, I don't have computer, I don't have laptop, I don't have notebook, and I can't online at working place anymore.. SOB!

By the way, today is really in my mood, suddenly open my own blog, and then go and browse my friends blog, but without leave down anything, just go through them,then leave......

And then, I'm coming here and would like to tell you all that, I'M StiLL AliVe!!!

September 09...

It's really been long time didn't come here, and a lot of things up....
Me currently now at Miri, Sarawak, having my new job, and a lots of new complaining and challenging, with the bad guysSss~

Having my new staying place too, from hostel and sis's home running here and there, so that I can release my stress from work.

Having a new challenging, which is having my own boyfriend who still at KL,but got a lot of new guys still wanna get a chance from me.... AIKSsS!!

I'm not that HOT weii, not yet a fried chicken yet ler...

I still can fly, I still can run, I still can jump, I still can get out of this messy~~~

2 days left...

I'm continuing my life story from my google's note...

2 days left...

2 days left I'm working at here...

the computer no longer can online anymore, I think melissa totally block the net already, dunno how she make it, but nevermind, lucky I still got my small handphone, eventhough I cannot do anything at this blogsite, but I still can update my life's small story through Plurk, which you can see at the right side bar..

2 days left I'm working at here, and I really excited to welcome tomorrow, cause I can totally get out from that hell, I can totally fly to the future and my freedom!!

This night, I, lastly, can online at MrBf's homey computer, updating this post.
Online my msn, I feel happy and fun, sitting on MrBf's legs, chatting with my friends, it's really a fun night for me, even though he just let me to sit on him half an hour, but it's still good for me... =)

All my lovely friends enjoying chatting with me, and MrBf is controling me at the strangers haha... Well I know he is doing good for me, it's just that I'm too nice to everyone, and he don't like it. *whispering* maybe he is just don't like me to flirt around? =P

All of my friends are very caring at me, I really thankful and appreciate to have them as my friends, even though they are from other places, other country, meet them from this strange city...

Hehe... Whateva!!

I would like to say, I'm so sorry that I won;t update this untill I get back to my hometown, Sarawak...

I'm leaving this big city, Kuala Kumpur..

So sorry to all my friends, especially those I got no chance to telling you and lost your contact... Sorry for all the inconvenience... =P

Good night..

and


stay tune...

Testing 123

testing 123
Hope you guys won't feel shock when I'm doing this, cause I really wanna know how it looks after I post from phone... Damn I feel my fingers so tired, nearly into cacat already..

Afraid

Sometimes I really afraid that I make any wrong decision..
Every decision is authoring my life, every decision is changing my future…

Learn to plan for my life since I was just 12, but after the decision I made when I was 12, I’m a little bit regret. Regret why I choose this as my future.. and making myself suffering in my life..

Look at my own hand, they are so rough with lots of fine lines, telling the tough story of life… Mom said, I got a pair of beautiful hand, but I only can see hows the different between me and other girls..

I hate making decision.. I hate choose my life.. Once you choose, and you find that that’s not what you expect and not what you want, you will regret what you choose. Once you go for it, you don’t have life and time to turn back and restart your life… We don’t have the time machine…

Since I came to KL, I made a lot of decision myself, decide to sign the contract and suffering myself, instead of family suffer with me too.. decide to stay at KL instead of go back to that small state to continue my small life.. decide to fight for my own good instead and sneak and wait for the results out.. but once you asked if I regret for all of these, I don’t know..
I regret, because of I found that my life will be happier if I don’t make that kind of decision.. I’m not regret, because of I found that I can do it, and I can do more than this, I’m more independent than what you expect.. I can be!

Get this from my friend, NicoleFishy,
人生吧,
0 岁出场, 10岁快乐成长
20 为情彷徨, 30 基本定向 , 40 拼命打闯
50回頭望望；60告老還鄉； 70搓搓麻將；
80曬曬太陽；90躺在床上；100掛在牆上...

Well, maybe she also get it from other places.. or forward mail.. but it give me a lot of different thinking..
20 为情彷徨, 20 year-old confusing for love..

Yea, and I’m having the exactly same problem.. I’m confusing again… confusing at, what should I do next, where I should go next, when I should stop next?
Even MrBF keep on telling me that he will respect every decision I make, but I’m nervous.. nervous at the decision I make will regrets me again.. nervous at what will happen at the next after I make the decision… sometimes I rather got people help me to do those decision… help me to settle down..

.
.
.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Now, I stand at front of the stage, look at the guests sitting in front of me, I don’t know what should I do, I don’t know what I should act.. I’m nervous now…

I should step forward? Or step back??
I should talk? Or sing?
I should walk, passby the stage? Or dance throughout the stage?

I should continue to adventures? Or stay here for my continue sleeping mode?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Called family last night, we really take turn and talk with each other, 1st mom, she is cooking at that time, then 3rd sister, we talking bout her baby, then my brother, he asked me what’s my decision for the future..

He give me a very special theory,
He said, everyone’s life, is 60% control by the fate, 20% control by the circumstances, only left another 20% control by yourself..

He himself is a very good example, keep on trying to skip from the family, keep on trying to stay a little far away from home, work at few hour driving distance from home, opened a shop, doing business for himself, just because of willing to stay far away from the family business, he really not willing to continue the nursery business I think. But then, ni the end, how struggle he is, still close his own business and come back to our own home, support mom’s nursery business back…

I think, yea it is.. maybe God prepare everything for you, it’s just that maybe your circumstances thinking might change you a little bit, but you won’t run too far away from what God prepare for you…

But yet, God, what you prepared for me?

HomeSick

Just saw one of my Plurk’s friend from Kuching, Sarawak mention bout the local drink, Ular Panas, gao gao! Remind me that I used to love UlarPeng long time ago, gao gao sumore, remind me how different the ais kacang between Sarawak and KL one, remind me of my local Kampua again, remind me of the traditional food “diam miangu”, remind of all the local drink and food from Sarawak. I just release that, it’s really been long time I didn’t go back to my own hometown, and realize that I totally forget the taste of those foods and drinks.. =(

I dreamt of my mom before, and it makes me feel sad too. MrBF said I miss my home. Yea.. I really do miss my home, since last year December, I keep on thinking and plurks all the feeling of miss my hometown, and the feeling of wills to go back hometown. Wills of settle down at hometown, wills of deny coming out K-Hell again, and wills of follow mom’s suggestion.

Remember of resolution I had made at beginning of the year, just decided not to get any partner anymore at this year, mom suddenly said that I will meet a partner, even though will suffering in time when with this partner, but will be together at the end. It’s just like, make a resolution and against my own resolution, LOL~ Mom said, wait and see if I will get any boyfriend or not, but I think she still haven’t gotten ready that I will get any partner so soon. Until now, I still not dare to tell her that, I fell in love again. Stupid me… Against the only resolution I had made for myself.

I realize that, I really forget a lot of thing from my hometown. I forget how to get bus, I forget when the school finish, and hard to get any teacher after the schooling time. We talked bout the foods and drinks already, and I forget how kind of those uncles and aunties treating me, and how hamsap those uncles look at me if I wear a little bit nicer shirt or shorter pant. =P

For God Sake, Do I Really Become Half KL-people Already?
Where Is My Innocent Heart From Hometown?

Thinking back when I doing my work, when is my last time going back hometown?? As not counting the last year August to Kuching, cause that is not my real real home…

…

…..

……..

…………

……………………………………………….. O.o

I totally forget!!

New Year New BF! HAH!!

It’s not so long time to get know him, and happen all the things within him. Having fun with my friends, hang out with him, watch midnight with him, outing, and so on.. And it’s no so long that I realize to fell in love with him.

It’s not long to propose to him by message, and it’s no so long time knowing that he is escaping me.. It’s really hurt at that time, never know that the guy can just escape but never answer me even Yes or No.

Due to my scar, I manage to get myself busy, lots of outing till no time to think of him, no any excuse to look for him, and no time to feel all the stupid emotion, so I join a lot of Plurkers Outing.

Thing Happens in a month only, and everything change a lot!

I get to know a lot more of friends due to the Plurkers Outing, and I really happy to get to know a lot of new friends and I didn’t give any excuse to myself feeling sad or disappointed.

Thanks to all of my beloved friends supporting me, either as me to stay and wait cause time can prove everything, or ask me to giving up with him, walk out from this guy and continue my own life without him. I deserved to get a better guy than him.

Get to know him at 31st October, till propose to him at 21st Dec (sort of cause I’m not really remember, this is my advantage LOL~), no news at 2 days time till he suddenly call me, and so on.. Things happen, and my male friends telling me that this is just a lust, and he is giving hope to me, wanting me to wait for him.

Till I decide to give up, I met “Someone”...

Everything happen at so sudden, I never know that I will meet “Someone” in this kind of bad condition I’m having. From the 1st I just treat him as a friend, I didn’t think so much but treat him as a new normal friend. I really dunno “Someone” but just surprise that “Someone” share his secret with me this newbie friend (I got a lots of friend suddenly share their secret with me, but not that early! LOL~) after we know each other bout 2-3 days, but I still treat him as a normal friend, until he telling me that he met a girl and willing to give him a solution to get the girl. I realize that he is talking bout me (by the way he describe the girl.)!

Things really happen so fast!

I knew “Someone” one week only and I realize that “Someone” is fell in love with me at 1st sight!? I thought this wouldn’t happen to me even though I believe the Love at 1st sight. LOL~

“Someone”, “Someone” came towards me suddenly,
Who stand in front of me,
Who come into the cloud I still walking at,
Who explode and let me see him,
Who willing to be with me,
Who willing me to share my happiness with,
Who willing me to get out from the cloud with him,
Who is concern at my health?
Who is concern at my happiness
Who is shopping with me whole day, walking through KL without any compliment,
Who pat me as a little girl which I never get before in my life, even my mom.. (been train to be tough till no one think that I weak sometimes)

And haha…
Thing really happen so fast, and so surprise.
“Someone” remember everything including my bad habit,
“Someone” can suddenly send me a message to me at the nest minute I was just thinking at him.
“Someone” can remember everything what I just simply slip out from my lips.
“Someone” can pamper me and take care of me sooOo much.
“Someone” can so worry bout me when I just make sny little sound. O.o!!
“Someone” is so urge to tell me his fell but hold back, cause of afraid it will scared me away LOL~

Well, IT WILL!! Thing only happen in between a week! How I suppose to accept these entire thing in a short while!??

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Looking back at my past, I realize that I have been desperate long time, everything gone so wrong since my Ex broke out with me. Too sad, too disappointed and too hurt, I hiding myself and becoming another me, fooling around, including fell in love with a wrong guy!

Looking at the future, I still walking in the cloud and don’t know where I should heading to. Since I crazily asked my friend to give me a chance outstation, till I crazily call back and telling my mom how much I wanna breach the contract and run away from this K-Hell.. Too tired of being at here..

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Well, everyone! New year is coming!
Buy your new dress already?
Buy your new shirt already?

I did! A dress, and a pair of new shoes!!
Don’t forget to change a new BF too to welcome our new year!!
Coz...




I Just Got One~!!
Bwahaha~!!

*evil grin* ngek ngek ngek

Clubbing night at Zouk,KL

Saturday night, I went clubbing with my friend Hunny, cause she is not happy, and she wanna go clubbing at Friday night with her gang to celebrate her belated birthday,but her gang suddenly all don't wanna go, so she is sad.

She said she promise to meet me and bring me along too, but due to all of them not going, so she grab me and go with only 2 ladies.. I got message Him in the morning, but he didn't reply me at all.. I feel a little disappointed bout it, but lucky just a little bit of disappointed, cause I know he is busy till next Friday, and he might deny me. What I feel disappointed is, he didn't reply at all, at least give a message and tell me he can't go with us bahh...

So, I really do go alone with Hunny, and we having a lots of fun in Zouk,KL.

When we having gun in Zouk, I found a lots of guys looking at me, they might just look at me, some come and wanna dance with me, but I'm sorry. I can't stand closer to stranger and let them touch me..

There's got one keep on look at me when he is dancing with his girl wtf, and he is keep on appear nearby me when I go wherever Hunyy grab me to, LOL~ from dancing pool to order counter is not a really far away distance, but you can't see anyone you see before in short while due to TOO CROWDED, we all pack like sandwiches wtf. I stood there quite some times due to the drink is not coming yet, we order orange juice from the 1st, and the drink hardly get, coz it's non-alcohol, so we wait. I found that fello again, still stick with his girl, but appear around me again! =.=|||

And there's got a guy close to me from the back, I can feel his XXXXX (doh!), dancing looking at girl also can make you high!? What on earth the men made by!? =.=|||

One more is a Mat Salleh direstly pat my shoulder and say Hi to me.

I got no choice but change my drink to beer cause the fello only can make one orange juice out instead of order 2, and I don't think one can make me drunk too, so I just take it, but I feel a little sorry to Hunny cause I drink alcohol in front of her... =(

Umm... the conclusion is, I realize that I still can flirt a lots of guys when I didn't do anything. I mean, I really Didn't Do Anything, but just dance mine, having mine with Hunny, but they will stick to us.. Maybe it's the way they flirt the single ladies..

And I only can say, I also can flirt if I wanna to, cause I'm not belongs to anyone. Due to my gal, Hunny said, We Girl, can be very royal to her boy, but once she is single, she can flirt more than what you guys can expect, so,men, Don't Hurt Your Girl, and please do respect your Girl.

Thank you.

Stay ! Stay ?

Today I called my sister bout the flight ticket, and she suddenly asked me if I gave the resignation letter already or not, and asking me if I manage to move back or not. My brain is blank.

Thinking... Thinking.. Thinking...
Still Blank.

I called mom in the evening time, I asked mom bout it. ( sis is married to another state, so online on phone randomly ) She suddenly move the topic to my another sister's colleague there ( I got 3 sister ).

She told me what happen to a girl when she found herself too lonely and get what kind of suck boy would be. She will find the boy And change topic fly to one of my cousin there, she told me how she met her husband and how she marry to her husband, and now after give birth the baby, how he suddenly dump her with carry the baby gone. Her parents also directly register divorce after thing happened.

She tell me also how my second sister's friend, she got her sister also married to West Malaysia and found not happy stay over there after that. Life is not as happy as at East Malaysia eventhough she is married to a Riches.

She tell me a lot, everything bout the story at others, and trying to telling me that, Marry To Another Land Is not As Happy As You Just Stay At Your Own Land. =.=|||

Umm.. She also got telling me that, also got heard bout some girls are happy after married to here, but very seldom.

What I trying to say? No idea for me myself, just wanna put something on blog, and ask you all give opinion nia.. LOL~

But after all, I made a decision, I will stay till End of 2009.
This year might be the last year I can play hard at K-Hell~!! So all of my friends~ remember to invite me if got any fun!
BUT! Still not considering of continue working at this stupid place till end of the year.. =.=

He didn't call back..

After 2 day I didn't message him, I didn't call him, I didn't do anything to him, and also no news from him, I call him again this afternoon.

I call him due to I walking into the KLCC Garden, I suddenly remember him again, he asked me before to invite him when I doing the relax over there, look at the sky, do nothing, make the brain blank.. I remember him, cause this is what I promised to him..

Well, so unfortunately, he didn't pick up the phone, and not calling back too...I got no idea why, and avoid myself to think why.. I listening the songs, force myself to think at the future, think how will be great at this coming Sunday..

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

At Starbucks, I look at the menu, I can't get any coffee at this kind of time, it's going into evening time.. I read a book bout the Physiologist (is it? I'm not so sure coz I read in chinese) met a patient who is a 62-year-old lady fell in love a guy who younger 35 years old than her..

I didn't really read all the story, but I can't help myself to thinking between two of us when I read the book, so I stop at half of the story only..

The old lady stay at her mind in 8 years, keep on thinking every single minute she with him in those 27 days. I mean, she live in her past..
I keep on thinking how good and nice when we are spend out time together.
I am hurting myself in mind!

The old lady trying to keep in as a god cause he treat her nicer than everyone do.
I thought he is the nice guy deserve for me, instead of, there got other guy treating me even better than he treating me.
I am cheating myself!

I can't help myself but I throw myself into the cloud, keep on continue walking in the cloud, and trying to grab something in the cloud..
I might fall myself..
But, I still walk inside there..

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I called my friend, ChanHui, thinking of wanna tell her what is going on to me myself.
She ask me to message her instead of calling cause she is in the LRT, can't really hear what I'm talking, so I manage to do it, but I send to the wrong person!! Shit~!!

I sent to him, I try to cancel the message and send a message, apologize that to the wrong person. He didn't reply at all, so I can't do anything too..
I called ChanHui again, I don't wanna message anymore! I just directly telling her what is happen to me myself.
At the end, she is giving me an cute answer.She said, maybe I like Mee Maggi and he like BeeHun? Haha.. I don't like Mee Maggi too OK?

But well, don't like, don't like, I still got curi makan. After makan (eat) only regret how fat it is..
Does it mean that me and him also just because of I curi makan Mee Maggi??

p/s: mee maggi = instant noodle

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I had a dream in the morning.
I wearing my uniform, working in a strange place.
I suddenly feels like wanna eat junk food, then I walked to downstairs, thinking of get a junk food.
But I don't want o buy in a sudden, I steal it!
I know an uncle saw it, but I still run..
After I back to my working place, I open and eat the junk food with my colleague, I found it not nice at all...
After I finish half of the junk food, the uncle came, he only left the sentences then leave : If you don't want anything happen, just pay him a pack.

I knew the dream got some meaning, but I'm not sure what it is..
Does this tell me what will happen today?

What a Cute Mom..

Mom called at 12.15pm. She never call me once at this kind of time, due to no business, boring..

She call again just now, and we talking bout family stuff, me and my brother.. She said few days ago my Dad suddenly ask how old is my youngest brother, then my silly mom also forget how old is he, simply answer as 23,4 years old to Dad. Mom totally forgot how old is me and Dad totally forgot he got another daughter Still at KL..


We talking bout fortune suddenly, I tell her that I read from a small booklet that Rat is good at2009 and Ox is bad at 2009. Rat good at carrier and others but Ox is bad, it's just lucky that Ox still got lucky star help to dismiss a little bit of trouble in the year.

Then mom suddenly said that Rat will found someone in year 2009, might be lucky person, might be life partner, so saying that she will Wait and See if I can get any BoyFriend or not. Haha....


What a cute and silly mom..


p/s : Shhhhh... Sis-in-law, if you read this, don't tell mom!! =p

I Miss Him

It's coldddd in the morning.. I'm willing to wake up at the time being, eventhough I was wake up shocked by the time, scared myself.

I lie on the bed, not willing to come out form my bed, covered by blanket, but still feel cold..
I wish he is here.. sleep at my side, must be very warmm..

He looked a bit different from previous, he changed..
but I dunno how to describe how he change.. He is a bit different..
When I meet him yesterday, he is talking on the phone, he didn't really into meeting me, but really Just Meet Me. Sit in Starbucks, and he is just sitting there, checking his mail, his account, his stuff.. But good that he is telling me bout himself, what he is going to do in the future.. And then we talking bout movie, I think I still not brave enough to talk bout us, so I still didn't talk anything bout us.. >.<

I called him last night, after took bath.. But I didn't get him, he is with family last night, must be slept or still with family..

I.... I still miss him...
I dreamed bout him before I wake up, I dreamed I's kissing him..

Need Help~

I have no idea, something is wrong there..

We met last night, he message me, telling me that he wanna meet me and passing something to me. I know that's the Christmas present. We watched a movie together cause I'm asking him at last munite.

Well, everything come naturally and pretend to be normal.. I didn't ask him anything bout the message, I didn't say anything bout my own feeling.. But, he got ask me something, when we waiting for showing time.

It might because of I too tired last night, so I didn't really pay attention to him last night, he asking me to stay at KL, see if can get any job at KL, maybe the opportunity is better than my small hometown. At that time, I was thinking : what for I need to stay at here since you don't want me? Want me to stay and walking in the cloud with you? @.@

What I answer to him is, I did think before to stay at KL, get a job at KL as well, but well... I get another oppotunity at Sabah as well. But, actually I wanna tell him is, if I got any boyfriend here, maybe I will stay. Haha..
But I didn't say it, cause I don't want to show him that, I can't live without him, I can't live without guy..I still can stay alive.. working, for family... and I don't want him to feel I'm desperate.

But, why he wanna ask me to stay? Didn't he run away from me already? Didn't he is not into me??

The second question pop out from my mind is, he asked me to earn extra by using my blog, and asking me to write some interesting blog to attract people.. it makes me feels like.. Did he read my blog? He still remember my blog? I didn't post my blog address at any social net, but only in plurk, how he manage to get it? Or he really did remember when I only told him once? I never know that his memory got such good..

I asked my friendsss.. their answer some confirm, some are not confirming.. So, I need your help, Readers, comment me, and tell me, what is happening there??

Shit O Circle

Christmas night, I hang out with my NetFriends.. They are Wen ans Skygns from facebook. I knew 2 more friend through Skygns at that night, William and Mei Mei. They are couple. =)

That night I didn't take any photo cause my camera is at low battery, we went to O Circle Restaurant, Sunway Pyramid. This restaurant is Hallo Cafe previously, and I dunnot what is happening and when it changed to O Circle.

Well, now we going into the main Topic, which is..

This Restaurant is Suck!
Slow Service, Slow order, Slow motion, Slow processing of food, Slow coming out the food, but Fast taken the plate and giving bill!

What the H!??



I've been this Restaurant before it renovate, it took all the service damn slow already. Still the same after renovate!??? How to seuvive lar!???

Some more the food there expensive as well!

We rather go mamak after we came out from that restaurant.

Wheat Beer

After I met Miss Pink at Bukit Bintang, I almost wanna go back after that, cause still at upset mode at that time.. At a sudden, I remember I still got another friend at Bukit Bintang. I take out my phone, and change my way to another. I called my friend, Faith, confirmed that she is working today, so I heading to her restaurant, Devtsches Havs.



Of course, it's not really her own the restaurant, it's just that she working there, and everyone of the shop like her, want her to work longer time over there.. She herself study Nursy when she is at Philipines, and bow she is pregnant, goping to give birth the baby soon, and she told me that she is so worry bout it, cause she know what would happen if the baby..

And that's scary tho.. =p



Her shop is really nice.. What a classic German Restaurant! You can found a lots of oldies stuff there, including those skirt, and pictures...



And ya... the bottles... She told me that the German's Beer is much more bigger than Malaysia's one, their size of a bottle is calculate as 1 litle and 2 litle, not like Malaysia, only 330 ml and 1 litle size.. It's a lot if you really drink 1 to 2 litle a bottle!! I can't imagine when I handle that 2 litle bottle!!



They having a special Beer is called October Beer.
In German, they will celebreate the festival as so called October Beer, so that's why there's come out the October Beer supply only at October. And they have to fully sold out the October Beer at October too, so they will come out the Happy Hour too eventhough it is still the special beer.



In a German Restaurant, for sure need to get a try of German Beer!! That's why, I take a try too, hehe =)
Well, I have no idea of those beers... so I ask my friend to give a suggestion, not too bitter one, Hehe... in the Menu, you can see that there's got 3 type of German Beer, which is Wheat Beer Natural, Wheat Beer Dark, and Original Munch.

My friend, Faith, saying that they normally will take Wheat Beer Natural or the Original Munch, so I shoose Wheat Ori, cause she told me that it's not really bitter. =p



Well, after i tried, ummm....

It's not bad, and ya, it's not really bitter tho.. more freshy than Calsberg a bit more.. (sounds like I know a lot LOL~) =p



Wanna know how much it cost me??



It's not including tax and service yet. ;)

Merry Christmas Eve to Everyone!!

Merry Christmas to all of You!!

Even though you are not Christian!!

Today is Christmas Eve, and I still at work! haha.. I'm not Christian, but of course, due to this is one of the Public Holiday in Malaysia, so everyone can celebrate!!! :D

What is your plan at your Christmas Eve and Christmas??
-Celebrate at friend's house?
-Celebrate with friends and family?
-Celebrate with colleague?
-Celebrate with your lover?
-Celebrate at home alone? watch TV or sleep?
-Celebrate on internet?? with net friends?? HAHA..
-Chilling at club or pub??

Well, my choice of today, Christmas Eve, will be stay at home, watch drama, then sleep!!
and that's my plan thou, dunno if it will be changed or not tonight.. :P
hope it won't change, cause I heard them said, the Christmas Eve is a dangerous night for girls, will easy lose their virginity at this night :P

So, what is your plan for tonight??
comment me if you willing to say. ;)

and again~



Merry Christmas~!!!

Thank you

Thanks to my friend, Tony, keep on support me not to give up my love.
Eventhough he is younger than me, but he is a guy.
Eventhough he is telling me that he never been in relationship yet, but he is understanding.
Eventhough he knows that I'm going to give up, but he ask me not to..

I dunno if he is right or not, all the guys are different.
and.. he is never been at KL, and he never know how's the KL guy..
He is using his feeling of being a guy, to tell me what is happening there, but...
I also dunno, if HE is really meant what Tony explain to me..

But, Tony, I only can say...
Sometimes i rather to give up than just wait and see...

Love, some are sweet, some are not.
Fell in love with someone, means that I not enough love myself.
Fell in love, you can feel the sweet, but mostly the sweet is come out from the pain and hurt..
You need to feel hurt, then only you can feel sweet if you realize it.
See, IF only you realize it, then only you can feel the sweet of Love.

Love is patient, yes, it is.
And I'm so sorry that I don't have that patient.
I just like my daddy, rushing all the time, not wanting to waste any minute of my life, especially by someone else!
But yet, I waste my time a lots for HIM, I wait for HIM a lots more than I wait for myself.
Not in feeling I'm sorry..

I can use 5-10 mins to finish make up!
I can use half an hour to prepare everything then go out from my house.
I can use only 45 minutes or an hour to go through a chapter or 2, then walk into exam hall.
I can use 1 hour to finish quarter of novel and a comic!!
I can use 2 and half an hour to finish whole novel if I want.

Imagine, I used to wait for him up to 2 to 3 hours, just wait for him to come and find me.
Well, I'm sorry I'm not blaming him, I'm just try to telling you that, I never wait for myself that long before..and I learn to now..
Maybe I'm too rush...

So, my friend, Tony, I would like to say..
I wanna quit..
I wanna give up..
Cause I feels like, I don't fit him.

My Happy and Unhappy Day..

Today is not my really happy day, but I'm still consider quite happy today.

Not happy is because of, I message him again, ask him if he is free at evening time or not, and he reject me again!! He said he is at Grand Millennium Hotel and his schedule is tight today.
Why I'm not happy? That's because of he never reject me before, he never tell me that he is busy before,he normally will said that he would arrange the time for me, and he will just check the schedule and see if he is busy at that day or time or not. He will always give me surprise on time, and he would always appear in front of me... Eventhough he is busy that day..

I'm happy is because of even though without his company, I still can make my day full!!
In a very special condition, I'm meet my net friend, Miss Pink, at Sungei Wang. She said sorry to me cause she only can be with me till 5 or 6 pm due to she got another date of meeting friend at Times Square at bout that time, it's OK for me cause I can get the guess of it too..
After we separated, when I on the way walking to Pavilion from Sg Wang, suddenly remind one of my friend, Faith, who is working around Bukit Bintang too, and it's not far from there. At the next second, I directly call her, see if I get her or not.

So lucky that I get her, and I straightly change my way turn to her shop. Haha.. I get a German Beer and take a try... And I didn't bring anything to her, so I just gave her one of the shirt I bought with Miss Pink, hope the gal won't mind, cause I didn't do fully prepare and I suddenly thinking of giving her that sexy skirt, but she is pregnant LOL~ I just hope that it won't disappointed her too much..

At Faith's working place, suddenly I get a strange number ( I realise that my friends all like to call me by using the strange number =.= , so normally I will just pick up the phone eventhough who is calling ), and it's my high school classmate!! Haha! what a lucky busy day!!

So~~~ After I get out from Faith's shop, I straightly heading to Kota Raya, cause my that High School Classmate, Hui Yieng is shopping at Petaling Street with her family. I been there and chat have a small gathering with them, know all of her family members, LOL~ then only I get back myself once they get into Taxi and heading back to their Hotel.

Well, conclusion is,
He reject me. I'm sad. Really sad at what he had done to me..
My friends full fill my today, I'm happy, cause I got no time to blame him and blame myself.
This is the day I can go through Without Him!!

Kena Virus!!

Today early morning bout 7.00 am I woke up already..
I thought I'm late and I didn't on my alarm, but it's not, I really wake up too early =D

And I found myself wake up with gooood mooddd...
I love my today when I wake up =))
It's just that, I miss him again.. I thinking of him, I wanna dream bout him..
Till the Radio(alarm) on, my MixFm is playing the lovely songs..it make my day too =)
Everything is so good and so nice, and I love my morning too..
Eventhough I thinking at him, I didn't feel any heart broken or pain or unwell.

I thought I'm fine, I thought I'm clean,
just like PC, after scan viruses, delete, then restart. CLEAN..

But I'm wrong, I just scan the virus, I forgot to uninstall the programme . Wish I can!! Uninstall the Love Feeling software and no more hurt feeling anymore!!

In this lovely day. I automatically wanna plan to have a movie, so I'm thinking of HIM again!!!
Gosh.. Can I message him? Gosh.. I starting nervous..
So far only Him, will just agree what I planned, what I want and what I need.. (but I never tell him what I need LOL~) and just go on what I want..
Till, I cannot take it, I message!
"would you like to watch movie with me tonight at 8pm?"

Wait... no reply.. cause he never reply so soon one...
Till I'm reach my shop, online, saw him on the line too.. so i just give him a line..
" morning, just wonder if you receive my msg or not"
and then, I thought He won't reply me..till he pop out again " Good morning, wait let me check."

At that time, my heart is taking up, hanging suddenly..
next is, " sorry i can't go movie tonight, coz im going to Pahang this evening, I'm doing slideshow now"
Then , my heart is dropping down....Ouch..

What a lovely day ..
and What a bad day too ..
1st invite after That message, He reject me..

After a while I chatting with Him, I found that my heart and my brain still got Virus.. =(
Too bad...

At the same time , It's 10.00 am, I need to sneak out from the computer and do my job, cause manager will "look" at me and later on will starting "xxXXXxxxxXXXx" so better move fast fast..
I found he willing to chat more with me, but so sorry Dude, I can't, cause I got to work..

Love is Drugs

0800 am
I have no idea why he pop out to my brain again, and everything is so good and so nice..
and I found that, I wish I can wake up with his smiling face, I wish he is the one who makes me warm.. after check the time, and also the message. no

It remind me back the poem I did before..

Love is just like the Drug,
Once you touch it,
You will addicted to it,
When you wanna get over it,
It takes half of your life..

Hahaha... it's really like drugs,
he is really like a drugs..

My hand is shaking, like my addiction is coming..
I addict to his love, his care, his touch, his hug, his kiss, his... everything..
He makes me feel so desperate.
Gosh I don't want to be desperate.. >.<