Afraid

Sometimes I really afraid that I make any wrong decision..
Every decision is authoring my life, every decision is changing my future…

Learn to plan for my life since I was just 12, but after the decision I made when I was 12, I’m a little bit regret. Regret why I choose this as my future.. and making myself suffering in my life..

Look at my own hand, they are so rough with lots of fine lines, telling the tough story of life… Mom said, I got a pair of beautiful hand, but I only can see hows the different between me and other girls..

I hate making decision.. I hate choose my life.. Once you choose, and you find that that’s not what you expect and not what you want, you will regret what you choose. Once you go for it, you don’t have life and time to turn back and restart your life… We don’t have the time machine…

Since I came to KL, I made a lot of decision myself, decide to sign the contract and suffering myself, instead of family suffer with me too.. decide to stay at KL instead of go back to that small state to continue my small life.. decide to fight for my own good instead and sneak and wait for the results out.. but once you asked if I regret for all of these, I don’t know..
I regret, because of I found that my life will be happier if I don’t make that kind of decision.. I’m not regret, because of I found that I can do it, and I can do more than this, I’m more independent than what you expect.. I can be!

Get this from my friend, NicoleFishy,
人生吧,
0 岁出场, 10岁快乐成长
20 为情彷徨, 30 基本定向 , 40 拼命打闯
50回頭望望；60告老還鄉； 70搓搓麻將；
80曬曬太陽；90躺在床上；100掛在牆上...

Well, maybe she also get it from other places.. or forward mail.. but it give me a lot of different thinking..
20 为情彷徨, 20 year-old confusing for love..

Yea, and I’m having the exactly same problem.. I’m confusing again… confusing at, what should I do next, where I should go next, when I should stop next?
Even MrBF keep on telling me that he will respect every decision I make, but I’m nervous.. nervous at the decision I make will regrets me again.. nervous at what will happen at the next after I make the decision… sometimes I rather got people help me to do those decision… help me to settle down..

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Now, I stand at front of the stage, look at the guests sitting in front of me, I don’t know what should I do, I don’t know what I should act.. I’m nervous now…

I should step forward? Or step back??
I should talk? Or sing?
I should walk, passby the stage? Or dance throughout the stage?

I should continue to adventures? Or stay here for my continue sleeping mode?

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Called family last night, we really take turn and talk with each other, 1st mom, she is cooking at that time, then 3rd sister, we talking bout her baby, then my brother, he asked me what’s my decision for the future..

He give me a very special theory,
He said, everyone’s life, is 60% control by the fate, 20% control by the circumstances, only left another 20% control by yourself..

He himself is a very good example, keep on trying to skip from the family, keep on trying to stay a little far away from home, work at few hour driving distance from home, opened a shop, doing business for himself, just because of willing to stay far away from the family business, he really not willing to continue the nursery business I think. But then, ni the end, how struggle he is, still close his own business and come back to our own home, support mom’s nursery business back…

I think, yea it is.. maybe God prepare everything for you, it’s just that maybe your circumstances thinking might change you a little bit, but you won’t run too far away from what God prepare for you…

But yet, God, what you prepared for me?